Grief Part 2
Everyone grieves in their own way. ⠀
Before I received my infertility diagnoses about 5 years ago, people had a lot of advice for me on how to get or what was preventing me from getting pregnant. ⠀
I should eat raw diary. I should go vegan. I should lose weight. I should gain weight. I should lay on this side after sex. I shouldn’t pee after sex. And on and on. ⠀
I later learned through lots of testing that well, I just didn’t have eggs left, at least not good ones.
When that happened, people didn’t really know what to say. Because well, it’s hard to listen and hold space for a friend or loved one in loss, pain, and grief. ⠀
I learned so much about holding space for other in that experience because well, I realized how bad we all are at it. ⠀
It’s no offense, y'all. ⠀
It is hard.
To not immediately offer solutions.
To not unconsciously show pity.
Or be overly positive. ⠀
In some ways those of us grieving end up having to reassure or care for others around us. To let them know, yes, I know it’s going to be ok, but right now I just want to let it suck and feel the tenderness of my own pain. ⠀
To me there’s nothing more powerful that an, “I love you. Let me know if you need anything.” ⠀
Sometimes the person in pain doesn’t know what they need right in that moment, but when they do, they’ll remember that you offered and they’ll call you. ⠀
Or they won’t. ⠀
And that’s fine too. ⠀
It doesn’t mean they don’t love you back.
Everyone grieves in their own way.
It’s ok to make space for their process to unfold, all the while walking quietly beside our friend with an open palm if they want to reach out and grab it.